| Thursday, November 30, 2006 |
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 Singapore oh Singapore... It is about how I perceive Singapore.....
Singapore is familiar in my mind where my teacher in my Primary School told that Singapore was named as "Tumasik", under Sriwijaya's rule. Firstly, I came in July 27th 2006 for the first time where I was so enthusiastic and so afraid when my plane landed in Changi Airport smoothly. Day by day, I underwent my life in Singapore. It is already one semester in Singapore...in NTU where all my exams had finished yesterday.
I found how people are so diversed each other and how different it is with my homeland where three main cultures are the symbol of this unique country as chinese is the majority. Interestingly, we cannot directly assume that Singapore is identic with chinese-like white dominates US-because there are so many Asians are here and there is a little or almost zero discrimination here, even there are four official languages,i.e. English, Mandarin, Malay, and Tamil. Even though Malay language is usually found here, I still felt difficult to understand their language. The funny occurence is when a Malay lady talked to me in Malay and I always asked her to repeat and repeat again until she realized that I didn't understand her usage of words. Talking about that diversity, in many media, I read that many countries were impressed by the ability of Singapore to unite them. Here, during one semester, I really didn't find any form of offfence that the racial issue evolved. It seems from the President of Singapore is an Indian, the governmental structures which seems not to be so racist. It also seems how people here don't think much about the difference each others. For example is in waterloo, where there are many religious places are located in the near distance. Ehm...it isn't strange if Singapore is included the list of "1000 places too see before you die", a book by Patricia Schultz. What I am trying to say here is about even though Singapore is famous with its multiculturalism, I am sure there are still a lot of prejudices, racist beliefs and segregation. I will give an example. My friend told me about this happening when he was in MRT. When a chinese Singaporean girl was in the middle of many old Indian boys and separated from her friends, she suddenly shouted and said," Hey, I am afraid here". Isn't it a form of prejudice and segregation or exactly a nonverbal racism? Yes, in Singapore there is no offence or anything which pertains the physical contact to others but mostly it is about nonverbal attitude toward other race or group. Well, I can say that we can't avoid the racism and prejudice in our mind. We have a tendecy to refuse something which doesn't suit with someone's ideal norm. So it isn't strange if in Singapore, people will tend to make a particular group with the same race like the analogy that the birds will tend to fly together with the same flur birds. Then the question is, is westernization the best way to make them really united? Well, though like that, I am grateful to be able to study here where I am trying to accept another cultures and to respect others who have different traits and background. Then the problem is, should I melt with people here? Ehm...or at least, "loving" Singapore? Err....I still remember when I was in Changi and I wanted to go back to my town, I felt it was so difficult to leave this country. Have I loved this country? |
posted by -ian- @ 2:55 AM   |
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| Tuesday, November 28, 2006 |
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 Run.... Hem...just now, I got an e-mail from GOTN for my "daily bread".The daily e-mails from them are so great. Mostly they represented what I did in the recent days and I felt I was advised by it. Hem...the last e-mail I got told me about how we should face a day. Basically, when we wake up in the morning, we choose how that day would be. Shall we choose the bad mood, happy feeling, and another lah( oh MG, my singlish....).
Just now, I remember the lyrics of James Blunt, my favorite singer. I know there are a lot of things of human mind that is understandable. Sometimes, the fear made us run from the day where it isn't actually about running from the day, it is about choosing that actually there is a meaning for this day. I wanna always choose, " I don't wanna run". Wanna quote once more,hem..when Whoopi Goldberg ( my beloved Sister Mary Clarence) in her film 'Sister Act'(1992) played a role as a sister in a school and she led the choir in that school. She tried to say that if we always run from the problem, we will always run throughout this life. Well, let's run...
Let's hear my James Blunt singing... "Tears And Rain"
How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away;
find comfort in pain,All pleasure's the same:
it just keeps me from trouble
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words:
it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
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| posted by -ian- @ 1:21 PM |
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| Monday, November 27, 2006 |
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Piracy and Plagiarizm
I admit that I learnt much from someone. He is my senior. He really hates the piracy and plagiarizm. Hem...I know it is so extreme. I am trying not to copy the mp3 songs and films in my computer without purchasing their CDs. It is a matter of fact that we should try to reduce our bad attitude. Is it too much? I just dont agree with sharing files, non official software and the things like that. I had just deleted my films and songs. You know, I was satisfied. |
| posted by -ian- @ 6:03 AM |
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 Hints and Exam
It is strange, rite? When we are in university to make this life happier and happier till everything should make us happy, sometimes we don't aware with what we have. I just imagine if the university life without hints from the lecturer. I don't know where unversity really forbides the lecturer to give any forms of hints to the student. Even, in the university in US, I still hear that hints still evolve. Well, the rudiculous thing is the students just enjoy the hints and always try hard to persuade the lecturers to give hints. Can't we live without hints? Is the score everything for us? Ehm...I myself really doesn't enjoy actuallly with the learning system of university. Is is just about studying with what the lecturer say. The concept of self-study is translated into the study about the materials from the lecturers and not about studying what we are interested to study in that subject. Sometimes, I really don't find myself enjoy in a particular subject because the lecturers tend to give the special hints and a kind of forcing students to study the materials he wants. Then, when the exam coming, I just study what she said. I limited myself not to study the "exploring" materials because he has told about what it will encompass or even listing the questions and is came out !!! Oh my God, does university limit us about what we should study???.... |
| posted by -ian- @ 6:03 AM |
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 Djie Siang Lan
Having read Lanny Anggawati's book entitled "Perjalananku Menjadi Guru" or "My Trip to Be a Teacher, I found this book was quite good eventhough it didn't beat "Catatan Seorang Demonstran" as my favorite book. Ms.Lanny is a buddhist who resides in Klaten and she is quite productive in writing books. I got this book when I went home to Klaten, my hiding place....I didn't know why my father had it, then I just brought it to NTU. Firstly, I knew her directly in the training in my English Day which was held by my high school English Club. I still remember how she told about the difference between Javanese labour and Korean labour. She said that the wage of Korean labour was four times higher than the Javanese's one. The difference was about the character between them. "The Korean labour worked harder", she said. I learnt many things from this book especially about how we should perform as a university student. Let me tell about some stories inside this book. I was interested about how she got her university in Sanata Dharma, Yogyakarta. It was a quite hard choice for her, I think. She really wanted to be a doctor before but the monetary problem came into her family so she decided English Department as her major. I just can't imagine how she could only bring her bicycle to study in university. The condition which is far beyond my mind. Her humble life really made another person admired. Her university life was so unique. The first three moths, she really didn't understand English. She tried hard by doing many things which could embarass her. That was the difference between her and another person. For example, always ask her friends to translate all what the lecturers said, always dated with the professor, read books in bookstore till the owner chased away her. Finally she found herself able to follow the lesson. Well, I am sure it is not because she is a chinese, or, may be It has a little significance. Working hard is the answer. I cannot work hard during this semester. I don't know why. I should try.... |
| posted by -ian- @ 6:03 AM |
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| Saturday, November 25, 2006 |
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Why didn't I like the rain?
“I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows I'm crying.”
but i didn't like the rain at all.....
Facing this day like usual, slept late, read a book, woke up late, online in library, walked to NS11-Storey4 to study my Calculus also heard many things unheard so I felt my soul united with the breeze who tried to whisper "Feel me....". Just now, I just passed my friends in benches, adressed them with my reluctant smile so I just felt many things are in chaotic. I didn't understand what happened yesterday. Was it because of the lackness of serotonin in my brain or because the effect of an encounter with a resentful friend. Then I sat down on a rigid bech with the splash of white paint and I was just accompanied by the waving roof of Nanyang Auditorium and the splendid SBS building. I couldn't do anything besides revising my lecture materials for the exam in 29 November later. Sitting down didn't make me felt better. Ehm.... okay, I was thinking someone in my mind. Suddenly, the cloud was getting more black, like my feeling just now and I didn't concentrate to read my textbook. The wind blew to my face so I could feel the humidity of the air absorbs in my skin. I couldn't stop thinking that someone. I just didn't focus with everything in front of me. I leaned on the bench and tried to forget every sounds which crowded my mind. Then, I was so scared listening every light and thunder which as if tried to wake me from my brainstorming. I just got down by lift, met my friend with the reluctant smile and went back to my hall. In the middle of my way to home, I was so afraid to be wet. Actually, I was thinking before "Why should be afraid with the wet cloth? Can't it be dry?" I stopped near the stairs and tried to see rain and the flow of water, so continuously. But, I just didn't enjoy the rain like usual where I can drink my tea and read every stuff. Hem....I sat down in NIE bench,so wet and the splash of water tried to dance in front of me. Trying to get a better bench, I walked in NIE. There I saw a man standing there alone. He seemed to enjoy the rain that day that it was different with my opinion about the rain that day. I sat down and started to be relaxed. I found myself alone but I couldn't stand on loneliness. I decided to go to my hall, I didn't care the rain......
I learn many things today. I want to stop above thing. There is no need for destroying this mind.
“God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”
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| posted by -ian- @ 5:12 PM |
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| Friday, November 24, 2006 |
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Learning from Friends...
“I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that.”http://en.thinkexist.com
When I am reinforced to mention the meaning of a friend, sometimes my heart beats faster. Some of you wonder whether how deep it is or how shallow it is. Believe it or not, it should be explained well. Then, who can define the meaning of friend? Many quotes are written but sometimes there's no connection for us or thet really don't touch us. It can be concluded that friendship is a journey, the journey which helps us to define the meaning of friend. A friend of mine used to say that he could live alone without friend. He said that friend is a mock thing. Other friend said "I need a friend to cry on and someone to rely on". Day by day, we find that this world is so diversed with many meanings and definitions. It is already clear with many definitions in our anthropology and sociology books.
What do we want from a friend? I still remember when Pandu, my senior, said that, "If you don't wanna lose out, don't make a friend". Sometimes I agree with this what he said because we may not be "do ut des"-a Latin word that means:I give that you may give. Helping our friend with all grateful heart is the purpose of making a friend. Isn't this life aimed to support each other and in the precise word we should sacrifice many things to our friend. I was really shameful when I heard and I saw my life again so I found to many "do ut des" in my life. I used to have paradigm that I help because I am helped. But, I don't wanna be like that again. Now, I have learnt much from my journey that friendship means loving others. I still remember how I underwent my past years about somehow I always chose friends by seeing many aspects from someone. When I wanna be someone's bestfriend and it never came true but when someone wanted to be my bestfriend where I didn't like this guy so I just neglected. I was so sad when I remember that my silly mind.
When we are in the new places, we understand how afraid we are whether there will have friend or not. When we are forced to know others and we are starting to be doubt whether we want to start the introduction to say "hi". I admit it was so difficlt for me, I am still looking for why also, is it about prestige or laziness or prejudice or..... Well, it wasn't really comfort with new places. When I moved to a new class in my high school. I just always felt that I just wanted to go home and having my own life. I didn't wanna start the introduction. I thought many things at that time about what people thought about me. Finally, I made a start, I didn't care about what people think. I just start ant it worked. I acknowleged that I had a bad thinking. Since now, I just wanna start.
What is meant by separating ourselves to a friend? I found there are ambiguous questions here. Especially about who are asked that question. It is about whether we are rejected by many of our friends or whether we reject a particular person in our daily life. I still remember again how stupid the boys in my class and I who tried to avoid a girl in our class by adressing her with a particular insulting word because the weakness of her body. It seemed that she felt that she was refused and tended to be exclusive. What is the meaning behind it all ? Let's imagine if I or you were that girl. I can't imagine how painful it is and we will also feel how narrow this world is if we are life without friends. I myself used to feel that I was refused also and sometimes my bad thingking made me felt that I was rejected. This is the sadness of mine when I my bad thinking played and it wasn't actually real and most of this rejection because of bad thinking happened most in my life
The meaning of friend to me, in fact, is so real, I cannot stand here without friend. My friends supported me wherever I am. Even though they sometimes teach me so hard with their own words which sometimes insult me. I found myself in advanced. Thank you. Thank you for Desnita Prismarini Pramudita and Anis for your kindness to me and taught me not to be lonely when I was in kindergarten. Thank you for Eni who taught me to be loyal and humble. Thank you for Pandu who taught me to walk on His way and made me understand how hard this life. Thank yo for Fajar-my bestfriend-who taught me to be one of the luckiest person in this world and made me happy and gratelful everyday. Thank you for Chandra who introduces me how to against prejudices in my life and told me not to be a do ut des person. Thanks...
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| posted by -ian- @ 7:08 PM |
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Exam in NTU The symbol of NTU made me afraid, the Lion that showed his strength, as afraid as when I face the exam there. Finally, the physics exam has been over. Even though there is still one subject remains, I am just glad to see that I have finished my physics subject in my first semester. I was dying when I did the questions. People around me also felt the same things. Many of us wanted to cry on but we don't have pillow to rely on. I still remember when my classmate said "I need a pillow to cry !!!!", I was just laughing. The exam hall wasn't too cold, I felt cold by the fear which surrounds me. I was just afraid if I failed this subject and met Prof Chew again next year. The question was really almost same as the questions that I learnt the night before, but, unfortunately I forgot the concept. I don't know why this happened. Wanna be better next semester. Learning from difficulties are the best way to reach the dream, the dream to be myself which isn't influenced by every wave that always tries to destroy me. |
| posted by -ian- @ 7:08 PM |
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| Wednesday, November 22, 2006 |
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Family.........
I am sure that i don't exaggerate too much. When my school mate in SMANSA told me that it is okay to study in Singapore alone and without family and friends from the same country. I know how hard it will be. It reminds me when I know a Kazakhstan guy where his document of tuition grant wasn't accepted by MOE and he didn't know what to do with his study. There were no senior who accompanied him and the selfishness of people here where it was so difficult to get the guarantor from Singaporean without any guanxi. There should be family for us...
Sometimes, I felt I was unlucky here,I really didn't aware how I got many helps from the people around me including when I firstly came here. Being Picked up from Changi airport, accompanied by hall IC, helped by my room neighbour, Kelompok Tumbuh Bersama ( Christian Group ), and Keluarga Rohani ( Spiritual Family ). How mwaningful this life is if many people around us help us and encourage this weak body to move, move apart from the loneliness which is really painful to enjoy. At least, I have an "imaginary" family where we can adress someone by "Papi, "Brother", "Dear".....
Family, I am grateful to have you. For the real one, I miss u my Pa, Mom, two sisters who make me proud to have you all. I am sure it is not because I am too far away from you. Something really connects us to always be binded together in one harmony. This heart really beats faster when many things remind me with my family. I am still really guilty with what I had done last time when I was caught up in a very bad thinking that I really regret to have you. Now, I feel nothing in this life without family. My friend used to tell me about how stupid I was when asking her the question about whether I will meet friends from my high school on December holiday ( Christmas ). The holiday is different between Indonesian university and Singapore one. I know I won't meet anybody because that will be exam period for my friends. But that my friend laughed at me by saying " What do u go home for ? For your friends ?" I felt I really didn't have my family. I was so stupid. Thanks friend to remind me..... Besides, this song really made me missed my family. Now, I miss them so much. I really want to meet them. Having dinner and wathing TV are the most important........ This song is from Adella, very beautiful one....
All I really want for Christmas is you (4x) Christmas carols sung with rock and rolls I feel the wind blows and the nightglows But I'm standing here alone with nowhere to go I wanna go home At Christmas we tell the truth my heart says I think I love you sounds crazy but it's true all I really want for Christmas is you The sleigh bells are ringing Santa Claus is coming but all I really want is you The music keeps on playing The angels are singing
But all I've been wishing for is you At Christmas we tell the truth my heart says I think I love you sounds crazy but it's true all I really want for Christmas is you
and this is the song which made me almost cried....
Winter Spring Summer or Fall In this life, there are times to see the light or to cry In the rain and the dark The seasons of life But to me it doesn't matter at all Whether Winter spring summer or fall Winter spring summer or fall I am still standing tall 'coz I love you winter spring summer and fall
Thank you for Adhi and Adella, good songs I think.
Hi Christmas... I am coming with my Pa, Mom, Risa, Hening....
Love... |
| posted by -ian- @ 10:28 PM |
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Exam and Me.....
I myself admit that I'm very lazy this semester. I wasn't really accustomed to work hard. The ambiguous result is in front of me now. Why am I never succesful in the exam. I am looking for a meaaning of these matters where I really don't know where to start and to end. I never stop think about how hard this life is. It is also about how I conduct this life. About choosing what to do, should I only study in my university life or should I face many relationships and clubs but having an average scores in my GPA.
Wanna cry now when I remember how I didn't perform the exam well. Programming and Multiculturalism courses are the hardest one. I have undergone more than one half of the exam period for my first semester. There are still two subjects left and I'm almost dying with those both subjects, mechanics and calculus. I am not ready actually. What has happened to me ? |
| posted by -ian- @ 9:03 PM |
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| Sunday, November 19, 2006 |
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Self-Management
Fortunately, I studied much in multiculturalism and communication in my first year in NTU. I am really thankful for this opportunity because the particular lecturer will not be available in the next semester because she will do her research in Texas or where I don't know. I learnt much from her, not only about the performance in speaking and new English words I get but also about the open-minded attitude toward others in this multicultural Singapore.
The concept of self is like how we see ourselves and how others will perceive us. It should be managed totally in this era. If it isn't managed, we will really lose that "self". Self is related with identity. How if our identity is reinforced? Should we really let ourselves lost and dragged into the life without meaning ? For example is what I face just now, as a student from Klaten, a neighbour of mine sees that I am the one who is really marginalized by society. My friend perceived I was the one who always go to the farm and cultivate the land. That is contrary with what I am where I am the man with a little communication with my society there. I just studied whan I was in Senior High School and I felt I was spoiled by my parents. But, I just let my friend wet with his assumption and I just thought that that is the form of prejudices and stereotypes which can't be avoided in this era. That is the self-management where we should be really tough with the circumstance that we will face nowadays. I may not follow my feeling to be uncontrolled, but I controlled my feeling.
Our "self" is sometimes disturbed by our thinking. It is always renewed by the situation we encounter, especially the problem in this life. Just now, a friend of mine told about his life recently. He said he was already tired with his life where the negative thinking sometimes really disturbs the progression of this life and it really destroys our "self". This is the way that everyone should walk on. We are always seeking the meaning of this life. The meaning that is sometimes to high to discover and sometimes too deep to dig. This all isn't about looking for how high or deep the meaning is, it is specially about the uniqueness of this great life where we can't find the meaning of this life except from this our "self". In fact, from my friend's story, I just can see how the meaning of this life is actually in our "self". The reason of these all are about whether we are patient or not to find the meaning of this life by our heart, patience about the future, and trying to perceive everything with the open minded attitude and paradigm.
Let's find it !!! |
| posted by -ian- @ 2:35 AM |
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| Saturday, November 18, 2006 |
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The Beginning
Those title reminds me with what Dewi Lestari said in her novel "Supernova" which I read some years ago. I wonder why I still remember it. One thing that reminds me is why it should be like that whereas it is put in the last page of the novel and it is supposed to be "The End". I wrote that title with the hope I can always write what I think and what I face here and I really wanna share it to you_the Imaginary Friend_who is able to receive me everything I have. Then, I remember my friend who said that " The Journey is about to begin". It made me had a spirit when she said that.
What is the meaning of this life ?
Is that a good utterance to start ? Well, I am who I am and really wanna be myself. A journey that I should walk on is really tough I think. Leaving my home country and live in this fast pace country_Singapore_ is something that I wanna engage in. Happiness and Sadness are the circumtances that I had faced during this six months. Who isn't happy for someone who gets scholarship in NTU and I just eat and study and getting money to do anything. That was perhaps a dream for some people and I am really grateful with what I have. Sadness is also everywhere. It isn't only about the distance from my family that makes me really miss them, It is about the burden I should face not only the hard life here but also the role as an Indonesian. I often feel so guilty about why I study here and Soe Hok Gie in his book "Catatan Seorang Demonstran ( A Note of a Demonstran) always makes ponder that "Lebih baik diasingkan dari pada hidup dalam kemunafikan", ( It is better to be exiled than living in the hypocrisy". Am I hypocrite who doesn't want to accept the condition of my country where there is no one university which includes the TOP 200 in the world. This really againsts what I dream before. Eventhough Soe Hok Gie did study abroad for a while in USA, he was given an honour from his university ( UI ), and I am really afraid to idolize him again because I was too far from his idea and thinking.
Now, I come to the period that make all people crazy, that is EXAM period. I am writing this in the middle of that period. I am already confused with what I study, too much, heh !!.
But I don't wanna be distressed by this circumstance will be. Someone is always with me....
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| posted by -ian- @ 6:31 PM |
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| It is about what I face and the circumstances which I encounter. |
| About Me |
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Name: -ian-
Home: Nanyang Crescent, Boon Lay, Singapore
About Me: When everything changes, I wanna still stay there calmly, and wait for the right time. I am surrounded by so called "radical" dreams. I don't know whether it is a form of idealism of a youth. But, be a doctor was my dream, but Physics came into me. ITB was my dream, but He gave NTU for me. Currently, I wanna be a high school teacher, researcher, journalist, writer, businessman, also want to study abroad again. It is unclear but it is fair. As far as I can, because I can jump higher as a true worshiper, as a true believer. Let me be a clay oh God, form me as You want.
See my complete profile
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